by Mark Pitstick MA, DC

If you’ve not already, please read . . .

  1. ‘The Great News‘ (article #19 at SoulProof.com/Articles)
  2. ‘Eight Developments for Widespread Conscious Living Now’ (#125)
  3. Greater Reality LIVING Program: Integrating ‘The 8 Developments’ Into Your Daily Life (#72)
  4. Greater Reality HEALING Program: Journeying FROM Deeply Grieving TO Brightly Shining (#82)

The evidence-based information and holistic resources outlined in these articles will help you to:

  • realize your true nature as an eternal being of consciousness / life-force / energy 
  • receive guidance and assistance from highly evolved energies and Source / The Light
  • heal old wounds, release lower energies, and update erroneous teachings
  • create the greatest life YOU have envisioned (YOU = your higher self / soul)
  • help others by sharing your greatest gifts
  • make our world a better place

As enough people do this, widespread personal and planetary change will naturally unfold. 

When a Relationship Breaks Up

(NOTE: If you are currently having suicidal thoughts about a relationship breakup or any other challenge, please contact your healing team about it NOW.  This is not a time to go it alone.  Reach out to trusted family, friends, minister, physician, natural health care providers, and counselors.  Read articles #5 When You Are Considering Suicide and #29 Suffering: Enlightened Ways to Handle Life’s Inevitable Changes to help you get through this and choose to continue living on earth.)  

I discuss holistic solutions for optimally handling the end of a relationship due to the bodily death of a loved one in article # 3: When a Loved One’s Earthly Body Dies.  Also see articles #4 or 27 if a loved one passed on by suicide or murder.)  This article is about relationships that end but not by death.  

As the old song goes, ‘Breaking up is hard to do.’  You likely have experienced the heart-wrenching split of one or more relationships. 

In this article, I’ll share my recommendations when a relationship ends because of a break up.  This can be more difficult than the end of a relationship via death if you are still in love and he / she is with someone else.  I’ve been involved in many relationship breakups during my life.  Sometimes I was the one breaking up and sometimes I was the recipient of the bad news.  Divorce can involve significant financial, family, legal, and other losses. 

However, for me at least, my first love breakup was the worst.  I hope you haven’t gone through this, but many have.  People aren’t prepared for the onslaught of loneliness, sadness, anger, hopelessness, guilt, jealousy, blame, and much more. 

I will share my personal experiences as a way to demonstrate how NOT to handle the break-up of a relationship . . .

In 1974, my first love of four years was clearly starting to break up with me.  She was my best friend, the epicenter of my life, and had a dazzling personality and looks.  We were pre-engaged and I thought she would be my wife and life partner.  It was Memorial Day weekend before just another week of college before summer break started.  I had planned to visit her but she didn’t want me to.  I could see, feel, and hear the handwriting on the wall.  I was devastated because I thought she was my one true love and the only one for me.  (Sound familiar?  Oh the angst of young people and first loves!)

‘Bill’, who lived next door on my dorm floor, sold pot.  By the end of my junior year of college in the ‘do your thing’ 1970’s, I had tried marijuana a few times.  But I wasn’t that impressed.  Besides, I had big goals to reach – including marrying my first love and being a doctor – and didn’t want to be distracted.  However, with a long weekend at school and facing major heartbreak, I decided to buy some pot.  I told Bill that I wanted ‘a nickel bag’.  ($5 bought a quarter ounce back then.) 

I had counseled Bill during the previous year and helped him when he lightly cut his wrists during a traumatic break-up with his boyfriend.  Bill respected me and told me how impressed he was at my focus and drive.  So when I asked to buy some marijuana, Bill said: ‘No, Mark, not you!  Come on, man, what are you thinking?’ 

How could Universe signal any more clearly that I was about to make a poor choice — the lower energy fork in the road? It’s a huge sign when a drug dealer tells you to not buy drugs.

However, I persisted and – with all my college friends leaving for home – prepared to ‘get high.’  I pulled the small baggie of weed from inside a sock where I had hidden it.  (Simple possession was a serious offense back then and no one would think to search there, right?)  As I held the bag, a super strong voice / feeling / knowing said, ‘Mark, don’t do this!’  But I didn’t listen.  I wanted to stop the pain and sadness.  I wanted to be someone else and escape what was happening.  But I went about it the wrong way.

I smoked some pot and, suddenly, everything seemed wonderful.  The music, movie, pizza, and – well, everything – were so amazing.  I didn’t even think about my lost love . . . until the next day when I had to face reality again.  I continued to smoke pot or drink beer once or twice a week to cope with the changes.  It was a self-medicating poor response to the relationship breakup. 

(I’m not, by the way, saying that smoking some weed was immoral, evil, or horrible.  Used occasionally and optimally, it’s better than getting dead drunk.  But it wasn’t the highest possible choice for me at that time.  I might have later chosen to use it occasionally for the buzz and mind-altering benefits.  Using because I really needed it wasn’t the best reason or use of the plant’s gifts.) 

Then she broke up with me and I felt like I wanted to die.  For the first several nights, I awoke in the middle of the night and found my pillow wet from crying during my sleep.  That’s pain.

Soon after, while driving by myself on a highway, I briefly thought: ‘I could end all this sadness and pain right now by driving my car into a big tree.  Then I wouldn’t suffer anymore.’  Very quickly, a voice inside me shouted: ‘No! You should not do that!  Look at all the good things in your life.  Think what your suicide would do to your family.  You can get through this and be stronger and better because you survived it.’

I listened to the strong inner voice that time.  Perhaps that was part of – or the entire – reason for the big heartbreak experience. 

Over time, insights dribbled in.  Part of my pain was because I bought into mainstream messages in music such as: ‘I can’t live, it’s emptiness without you; you’ll never find another love like her; there will never be another you; and other ‘living in the past’ refrains that burn into your brain and shape your beliefs. 

My mom suffered with depression when I was young.  My first love was always happy, smiling, laughing, and being in the moment.  I’m sure that part of my mourning after our breakup was because I leaned on her too much to deal with my mom’s state. 

In addition, teenage hormones and puppy love are a powerful combination.  It seemed to be the real thing back then, but would we have been optimally happy long term?  Would I have been stuck in my old hometown and settled for a traditional life surrounded by my old tribe? 

Eventually, I started to come around.  I realized that resorting to alcohol and drugs – even a little bit periodically – actually delayed my grieving.  Several years later, while receiving individual and group psychotherapy as part of my clinical psychology training, I was surprised to discover that my pain was still there.  I hadn’t processed it, just covered it up.  Many years later, I wish I had listened to Bill and Universe, faced my suffering head on, and expedited the process.

Many valuable lessons have arisen over the last 47 years from all that.  I can appreciate and honor it now.  One lesson is to take the high road in life whenever possible.  It’s usually not the easy one, but it’s the wisest and – in the long run – best path. 

Was that breakup pre-planned?  My sense – based on using my Pre-Birth Planning Technique – is that she is a soulmate with whom I designed this heart-breaking scenario.  (I use the term soulmate here in the context that we have about 25 primary ones and greater numbers of secondary and tertiary ones.)

The breakup could have caused me to choose suicide; I certainly thought about it.  But it also contained the potential to awaken me to search for meaningful answers to life’s biggest questions.  Going through that taught me empathy for those who are suffering in other ways. 

How about my decision to use pot and beer occasionally to ease the pain?  Was that pre-planned?  It seems to have been a lower for in the road choice, not the highest one.  But it created a great teaching moment that I can share with others.  Looking back, there are many other better choices I could have made:

  1. visit dear family and friends

  2. study more for finals

  3. take advantage of the many cultural events and activities on campus
  4. seek counseling

  5. pray for assistance and clarity about how to best handle this

  6. double down on my goals and resolving to not get side-tracked

  7. spend quiet time in nature

  8. serve others who were suffering in major ways

  9. thorough enjoying pizza, movies, and music – but without the drugs

More evolved responses are possible for all of us. 

I just finished reading a powerful book by Edith Eva Eger PhD, a ninety-two-year-old psychotherapist and survivor of Auschwitz.  The Choice shares her horrible losses and suffering and how she chose, step by step, to find a positive way forward.  As a result of living in the present instead of being imprisoned by the past, Dr. Eger has helped many people in ways not possible by those who lead relatively easy lives.  

In the 1970s, I didn’t know about the concept of choosing the high road during adversity.  I decided to create an entire new life for myself: I spent more time with friends and family, jogged, prayed, played racquetball, hiked, camped, listened to music, and read widely about new and interesting topics.

After that first love relationship ended, it was as if part of me died.  That was extremely difficult, but it also allowed me to create a very different and much better new life.  It was a rebirth into a more evolved version of myself.  I thought, discussed, and explored who I really was, what I believed, and what I wanted to do.  My world expanded in ways not possible if my first love had continued.

It also eventually helped me find a life partner who is also ultra-focused on consciousness, optimal wellness, and serving others.  Andy is also dazzlingly beautiful and has a personality and personal energy to match.  She is much more a perfect match than my first love.   In fact, she is the epitome of what I had in mind when I wrote article #66 Optimal Relationships for More Evolved People.

However, it took trying on numerous relationships before I finally found one that was ‘just right.’  I didn’t meet Andy until after age 50 and left a trail of needless heartbreak that wouldn’t have occurred if I had known more about who I am and what is most important to me. 

(In the future, I hope a service will counsel people about ‘soul emphasis’ and optimal relationship choices.  How valuable would it be to receive education and guidance about optimal matches in relationships: religion, health care commitment, deep interests, etc.  That will prevent much heartbreak when it becomes apparent what appeared good isn’t an optimal match.  Shouldn’t people like me be warned so they don’t have to search for a kindred spirit?) 

Many years later, I enjoy a big picture view of things.  For example, my first love came from a family that was very tied into fundamentalist Christianity.  She also was a very orthodox earthling.  That’s not a criticism; it’s just that I’m not at all.  She enjoyed slices of Americana life that leave me cold, decorated very extensively for holidays, ate the typical American diet, liked country music, etc.

I, on the other hand, was like a stranger in a strange land on earth.  All my experiences, training, and searching enabled me to help prove life after death, establish communication with postmaterial persons, and make our world a better place on a major scale and multiple levels.  I’m a total health nut, vegetarian, and enjoy jazz / rock fusion / new age music.  My religious and spiritual views are 180 degrees from what hers were. 

How would that have worked out for us?  We likely would have been divorced.  Or, I may have tried to be happy and tried to be a round peg in a square hole.  I probably would not have completed what are obviously my highest missions and joys. 

Having become acquainted with such deep pain, I learned and developed powerful techniques for healing further and helping others.  These include Holistic Breathing Technique, Ask Your Soul, and Heal and Transform Your Suffering.  (see SoulProof.com/Shop for more information)

However, despite all these realizations, I continued to think and dream about her for decades.  There never was, nor will there ever be, another love like her.  That isn’t limiting thinking; it’s just a statement of fact since everyone is unique.  I occasionally wondered what might have been and if she was happy.  While counseling many people, I found this is very common after the loss of first and very intense loves.  The pain and other difficult feelings lessen, but there is still a special place in your heart for that person.  That, of course, can be true for any very close relationship that ends.   

After many years, I am thankful for that very tough time because I am now stronger and wiser for the experience.  That may sound ridiculous or even alien – too logical or “Dr. Spockish” – if you haven’t seen life from a new mountain top after trudging through the valley of darkness.  It’s like a line in Garth Brooks’ song The Dance: ‘I could have missed the pain, but I’d have to miss the dance.’

Perhaps I had a tendency to stay in spiritual amnesia so I designed an event that would cause me to wake up and do what I came to earth to do.  If so, it worked. 

Article #52 All Life Is Interconnected shares the evidence and higher thought that love never dies.  Those who hurt us the most may be our teachers and soulmates who help us in ways that benefit us and others in this life and beyond.  For many years, the single thought that gave me hope was: ‘someday I will see her in heaven.’  If that helps you, feel free to use it.  It may be that someday you and your beloveds will laugh about all this in another realm.  Or perhaps you are doing so now in a simultaneous / parallel reality.  (see article #75 Multilocation)

I encourage you to consider the possibility that there are lessons, silver linings, and blessings to your relationship breakups.  Use the resources and techniques mentioned and convert your lower energy emotions (pain, sadness, loneliness, jealousy, self-centeredness, anger, hopelessness, etc.) to higher ones (joy, love, peace, gratitude, enthusiasm, meaning, enlightenment, and service to others.)

*       *       *       *       *       *       *

Thank you for telling others about this article!  Your life, and that of others around you, will be more enriched when you:  

  1. read the article again so you really know it.
     
  2. discuss with close family and friends to more deeply internalize it.
     
  3. take action steps that seem right for you.
     
  4. share it with others via social media, discussion groups, and other ways.

Hugs, love, blessings, and let it shine!
Mark

Mark Pitstick, MA, DC
author, lecturer, counselor, and holistic chiropractic physician; spokesperson, research assistant, and strategic planner for the SoulPhone Project; founder of Greater Reality Living, Healing, Helping, and Sharing Programs

SoulProof.com    SoulPhone.org   GreaterRealityPrograms.com

Mark Pitstick, MA, DC is a master’s clinical psychologist, holistic chiropractic physician, and clinical nutritionist.  He has also helped others in pastoral counseling and suicide prevention / education settings.  His goal is to help you know and show that this earthly experience is a totally safe, meaningful, and magnificent adventure amidst eternity. 

To learn more about the Greater Reality LIVING, HEALING, HELPING, and SHARING Programs, visit ‘Greater Reality Programs’ top tab at SoulProof.com and SoulPhone.org.  Also see  articles #19, 72, 82, 119, 122, and 125 at SoulProof.com/Articles.

SoulProof.com provides many FREE resources:

  • 8 e-books Radiant Wellness, Soul Proof, The Eleven Questions, Greater Reality Living, The Big Picture of Life, The Afterlife Evidence, Ask the Soul Doctor, and Shining Light Parents Speak
  • 10 audio programs Holistic Breathing; Afterlife Contact; Ask Your Soul, Angels, and The Light; Pre-Birth Planning; Identify and Fulfill Your Purposes AND Enjoy Your Greatest Life; Your Life Review; Appreciate, Realize, and Transform; Love, Acceptance, and Forgiveness; Past Life Regression; Heal and Transform Your Suffering
  • 4 audio books (Greater Reality Living, Soul Proof, Radiant Wellness, and Shining Light Parents Speak; we don’t have control over the others)
  • 125 Articles (as of 3/1/25) answering the most commonly asked questions and providing holistic solutions for your toughest challenges
  • 25 Radio Shows: interviews with experts on consciousness, afterlife, and creating an optimal earthly experience. These include Wayne Dyer, Brian Weiss, Anita Moorjani, Raymond Moody, Michael Newton, Caroline Myss, and others. 
  • 27 Videos on different pages
  • Monthly newsletters (subscriber sign-up at bottom of each website page)

Instead of payment, he asks that you: (1) fully use and appreciate the products, (2) share them with others, and (3) help others in ways you feel called, that is, pay it forward.

The following are also available for a fee:

  • 8 printed books Radiant Wellness, Soul Proof, The Eleven Questions, Greater Reality Living, The Big Picture of Life, The Afterlife Evidence, Ask the Soul Doctor, and Shining Light Parents Speak
  • Coaching / Counseling Sessions with Dr. Pitstick by Zoom to gain answers to your biggest questions and holistic solutions to your toughest challenges.

Note: This article is intended as a reference source, not to replace professional treatment for physical, emotional, or mental problems.  The author disclaims any liability arising directly or indirectly from the voluntary use of action steps discussed in article. 

I created this article while ‘wearing the hat’ of a clinician, counselor, and educator.  My statements are based upon some scientific research; much clinical and experiential evidence; my personal experiences; and my best current understandings.  This program does not reflect my roles with the SoulPhone Project since those require solid scientific data for all statements.